Saturday, August 2, 2014

Addiction to Self-Destructive Behaviors Have No Place Around the Twin Flame

It's been a very long time since I have posted on my Twin Flame blog because I have been immersed in healing and improving myself in preparation for Union and in logistical preparation for what is essentially going to be a personal Rebirth on the other side of the world, in a language and a culture that are not mine, that I hope one day will be as seamlessly a part of me as my Twin is. The True Twin Flame is so much more than a person and the energy between those two people. For me it is the energy of an exact geographical location on Earth that is the polar opposite of the locations I've lived in and everything my logical mind has ever known or thought it wanted to have in my life.



Credit: Depositphotos.com

I had started writing about this not intending for it to have anything to do with Twin Flames and so not necessarily belonging on my Twin Flame blog, but in actuality it has everything to do with the Twin Flame Journey. This is the Self Work. This is the Self Love. Finally taking a stand against the ego that kept me small. Finally embracing the Truth I've been avoiding about my day to day tendencies, dysfunctional behaviors and self abuses.


Freeing myself from addiction has naturally been a part of the self healing and purification process in preparation for Union. The crazy part is that it has seemed less of a personal choice and more like being dumped down a Divine water slide into the swimming pool of my Destiny, because I had no choice in the matter. It was like, do it or be subjected to unspeakable amounts of pain and suffering, days spent in bed, work days missed, etc. Earlier in the year it was the necessarily elimination of all cane sugar from my diet, the elimination of almost all starchy carbohydrates (including gluten) and almost all dairy. Sugar in particular was a matter of life or death.


First there were the substance addictions to deal with.
I've never smoked and ever since my Awakening really started to happen full force in January, I have not wanted any alcohol because it compromised my ability to connect with my Twin on the energy plane.  Sugar however, was a hardcore substance addiction for me and I still have lingering food addiction in general. I'll save all that for another post, because right now I want to talk about another form of addiction, and that is to destructive behavioral patterns in how we relate to our bodies. I also realized today that I overeat to escape from being present in my compromised body when I am experiencing the pain of my back being subluxated because I have neglected to care for my hyper mobility. The two addictions cycle around each other viciously.


I am a back cracking, neck popping addict. I have a severe addiction to it. It is my heroin. I am proclaiming to whoever is reading this that I. Have. A. Problem.


So now I am accountable to change.



On May 1st, 2014 at 12:03pm, I contacted my Twin, one of the isolated times in my life that I have done so. She received the message but did not reply. I was naturally bummed for a few days. But she made contact with me on the energy plane, a few days later. She connected with me telepathically and it was unmistakable; an experience I'd never had before.  She presented herself in a manner that offered a big clue to her identity on the physical plane so I would know it was her. She came to me in that semi-conscious state between wake and sleep.  To this day it is the most significant occasion where I have received an undeniable message from our Higher Self. It came through as this:


"We are not ready to meet yet. You were meant to be a template for humanity of all that is possible for the vibrant, strong human body to be, to express and create through movement and dance. When you are this, then we will meet in the physical."



I was born with overly lax joints, a beautiful, divine gift when used for dance and movement, and a curse for she who is careless and refuses to care meticulously for her gift by doing the right kind of counter strengthening. "I'm really strong already." my ego said. There are a million different ways to be strong and I was matching apples to oranges. 


I have hyper mobile joints AND I am addicted to reckless self-chiropractic manipulation.  The combination multiplies the repercussions of both.  My intercostal connective tissue is a hot inflamed mess due to my inane movement habits alone even though I gave up sugar and other inflammatory foods January (although I'm sure it takes more than a year for the inflammation from a lifetime of consuming those to drain).


I also have a neck deformity. Looking back at a particularly foreboding set of X-rays that I blocked out and chose not to take seriously when I was 24 years old, I had a reverse banana curve in my neck. I had a new set of X-rays taken just the other day, seven years later, and it actually only showed a military neck (an improvement from the former) between phase 1 and phase 2 of degeneration with calcification and some arthritis starting (which means that with the directionless, bail out chiropractic care I've given it since age 24, it's bad but not as bad as it used to be). The prognosis was that it could return to normal if treated intensely and proactively over the long term but I am coming close to moving into phase 2 where returning to normal is approaching far reaching. It's time to pay attention and embrace this healing journey that God invited me on 7 years ago but I chose not to see.


I have been yelled at by many a chiropractor and been told that I am doing serious damage to myself. But I could never bring myself to stop because "how could something that feels so good and so similar to what professional treatments feel like be bad?"  I was so used to the travesty of dropping $90 on a professional adjustment only to have it disperse shortly after because I was hyper mobile and lacking in joint strength.


I'm sitting here with the second worse back spasm I have ever had in my life. This is the Universe telling me that It Is Time to Wake Up and have some respect and integrity around how I treat myself in preparation for my rebirth.  It is time to ask the right health-related questions.  It is time to remember that my physical quality of life and physical experience in my blessed body was meant to be more than what I had previously settled on.

I've found a chiropractor who will work with me with recovery as my goal (as opposed to low-cost maintenance or damage control). "It appears that you do not respond well to manipulations that elicit a crack/pop. So I'm going to use Koren Specific Technique instead. The device used is called an arthrostim." he said.  I so associated the euphoria of being cracked at the chiropractor's office to feeling better that I wonder if all the crack style chiropractic I have had in my life contributed to the mental breakdown that lead to addiction to self manipulation.

So This is my declaration. Cold Turkey. I will bear hug myself consciously and slowly. I will consciously and slowly go into trunk twist.  Most importantly, I will counter-strengthen at every turn.  Counter-strengthening is not just for astronauts.  I will consciously and slowly stretch my wrists and fingers back and forth and if a pop happens to happen during any of these moves, I can accept that it was supposed to happen.

But I will not pop my neck with the accelerated force of a jet plane. I will not recklessly throw myself up against every hard surface I can find to crack anything and everything that will crack in my thoracic spine. I will not slam my scapulas together with the intensity of a car crash because my ribs are out -- because that was not even the right direction I was supposed to be pushing them in anyway. So addicted was I to creating any kind of movement or popping feeling I could that I couldn't even stop to see that!

That is my statement. No more. It will take a month to break the cycle of addiction, several days for the acute intensity of wanting it to subside (or many days depending on the direction this spasm takes), and two months to get on the up swing.

I am ready to be Reborn as the person in the body that I was meant to be.

And finally, whatever my Twin is working on in herself, challenges that probably appear completely and totally different on the surface than anything I have been challenged with-- because that's how yin and yang works-- may the work I do on mine Divinely support the work she does on hers.  That's the nature the Twin Flame; how we serve ourselves directly becomes how we serve our Twin. 

Prayers for others expressed in words scratch but the surface.  Use your words to pray and you will travel a few feet further along the Path.  Prayers for others expressed through actions, self love, self preservation and change from within are what are necessary to travel miles and light years along the Path.  


Thursday, March 20, 2014

What Watching Q&A with Lois and Clark of Relationship Reinvented on Youtube Inspired in Me

To My Beautiful Twin,

I watched two of my teachers broadcasting on their Youtube channel tonight sharing the wisdom of their unique Twin Flame frequency:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=j_iW3KMP7Ws&list=LLEuKJjC4HEe4kFPfb_uDJGQ&feature=mh_lolz

Here they were in the video sitting together on a couch doing a Q&A in Perfect Union.  I'd never actually seen a video of two activated Twin Flames in action together until today.  I felt it from my heart chakra to my crown chakra to the newly installed 8th chakra that grew above it three months ago, and down to my sacral chakra.

I found myself physically aroused by their Union.  Nothing sexual was going on!  It was PG!  It was another kind of arousal that needs no hiding or shame.  An inner, beautiful, kind of arousal that catalyzed my epiphanies around you, my Twin, on into the evening.  An arousal that comes from not just the sexual but from pure, connected stimulation of all the energetic entrances to the body to the Divine.

I realized today that for all I had thought of you, dreamed of you, I had never actually visualized what you and I would LOOK like together, side by side.  It always seemed too unbelievable to me to even go there.

I imagined what you would feel like next to me, Twin, our legs and arms grazing each other.  Watching Lee and Sherry together enabled me to magnetize you toward me even more strongly than I can initiate alone.  This surge in supported Universal power shocked me.  It came from watching, connecting to another pair of activated Twin Flames.  This IS what the Twin Flame DOES on Earth!  There are no words to describe the power of the Twin Flame, only descriptions of evidence of its effect like this one.

I imagined you and I together sitting on a couch like the one that Lois and Clark were occupying in the video.  I imagined how we would feel like if we were them, sharing our story with the world and helping other twin souls realize their potential together.  How language may appear at first a barrier but is truly a resource, how we could pool our native languages together and connect with both English and Korean speaking audiences.  Dare I say it?  That's my dream.  That's our potential.

Physical vision is not the only one of our senses.  It is one of our six senses and it counts equally, just as the ego is not the only form of self, but its contribution to the whole matters.

Through getting to see two Twin Flames moving and animating together in space for the first time, I presenced OUR beautiful physical yin and yang together, where we are physical polarities and physically the same at the basest level just as we are energetically identical at the highest level:

YOU with your huge, liquid, expressive anime eyes that you can widen so intensely when you are excited.  ME with my small, subtle, classically Asian eyes that I can hide behind or turn up like crescent moons when I laugh.

YOU dressed in black and the bright colors you accent it with.  ME dressed in brown accented with earth tones.

YOUR expressive frequency a zigzagging line between extremes.  MY expressive frequency a steadily arching wave.

YOU with your high, bony cheeks, strong chin and strong nose.  ME with my round, soft cheeks, slight chin and slight nose.

YOU with your prominent top lip.  ME with my prominent bottom lip.

YOU with your lush, thick hair that you cut consistently into ever changing versions of pixie hairstyles.  ME with my straight, fine hair that I toss like a mane and only ever trim so it grows longer.

YOU with your legs that bow slightly outward.  ME with my legs that bow slightly inward.

YOU with your straight-toothed smile, ME with my snaggle-toothed smile, yet we both have smiles powerful enough to light up a room.

YOU with your long, skinny fingers and feminine hands.  ME with my sturdy, earthy fingers and masculine hands.

YOUR kyphotic postural tendency.  MY lordotic postural tendency.

YOUR psychologically submissive, socially dominant beta presence.  MY psychologically dominant, socially submissive omega presence.

YOUR high, smooth voice.  MY low, gritty voice.

US.  We share a height, a build, a shoe size.   The shape of our foreheads, our identical, dainty ears, the lighter hue of our skin in the winter, our bronzed complexion come summer, our sexy, perky "assets."   How we both curl our lips up on the left with a crease in our cheek when we smile.

Like the Original Mr. Potato head, we began as identical "potatoes." For each of your yang features, I received the yin.  For each of my yang features, you received the yin.

My Twin, how stunning you are.  My Self, how stunning I am.

I imagine you and I sitting on some couch together emanating all that IS.  Together embodying the grand spectrum of our total attributes unified in one place, together a sampling of all that human DNA is capable of expressing within the context of Us.

The physical body, a microcosmic mirror of the macrocosmic soul.  The physical Union, a microcosmic mirror of the macrocosmic Universal Oneness.

Saturday, March 1, 2014

Just Another Day in a Life Spent Preparing for Twin Soul Union

What seems like a lifetime ago but was actually only a year ago, I had dreams of dancing and performing at a competitive level.  My creativity was through the roof.  I'd never felt so alive in my body.  And then seemingly out of nowhere, that dream and focus fell out from under me.  It was like watching my backpack full of gear and life support fall into an icy, bottomless chasm halfway up Mt. Everest.  

I used to think I was just being an inexcusable pussy, but looking back, the true reason I suddenly could not focus on bettering myself or enhancing my life the way normal people do was that I began to yearn for Her with the vengeance of a thousand raging rivers.  My longing for my twin soul, this person whom I had never even met or heard any news of in many years, out of nowhere absorbed every ounce of my energy, every beat of my heart, every waking moment of my day, dragging me helplessly along like a plastic bag stuck in an undercurrent.  

All of life's greatest awakenings happen during our darkest moments.  And then the spaceship drops us back to Earth and we must figure out how to conduct ourselves after such an awakening.  Now I must figure out how to live for me so I can live for Her so I can live for me. 


Credit:  Bill Mu
I filmed myself dancing for the first time in many, many months today. And I had to force myself to look at myself. Force myself to see the fear ooze from every cell in my body. I was relieved when I got to erase the video, release it out into the ethers for nobody to see. An act that was so easy and rewarding long ago took more courage than anything I have done in the past year.

Now it's time to do the work and uncover what is behind this resistance.

Am I trying to be unique and special in holding onto where I hate myself? Like it's an adequate shield for all the world's pain? Do I hate myself to magnify the pain within so I can't feel the pain outside myself, refusing to take responsibility for my call to Love?

Am I afraid I am not an adequate vessel for the grace of God?
I know it's not for me to fear. But it hurts, letting go of my ego.
Having nowhere to hide, nothing to say, nowhere to go, no excuses to make.

Fuck, it hurts.

...I'm not even doing it for me, not at this point. One day I will, I hope. I pray. I intend. I know. One day I will dance again in an act of pure Self Love.

Right now, to be perfectly honest, I'm doing it for Her. For HN. For my Twin. Because I can't seem to do it for myself. I can rise above my fear if I trick myself into thinking I'm doing it for someone else. Because I cling to the old 3D paradigm that touts ego in the forms of noble actions and self sacrifice. Right now I am going through the motions of loving myself so that she can love herself. It's a start. I've a long way to go.

One day I'll be able to do it authentically. One day I'll be able to dance in a genuine act of Self Love that translates into the greatest act of Love for Another in equal parts. Because she and I are connected. And because WE are all connected. And that energy will run in circles between us in both directions, in ALL directions, and it will never stop. Prayers never disappear. You can't erase Love like you can erase fear like you can erase a video that forces you to observe your fear. Love never fizzles out once it is cultivated. Energy knows no friction.

This is what Infinity is.




Who is "Running" from Who?: A Closer Look at the Runner Twin

All over the Twin Flame forums, I see twins embroiled in desperation and grief over their twin who has physically run off. But running isn't always the physical act of pulling away. I have been doing a lot of meditating on my relationship with Koa, another loved one in my life who shares my Twin's specific energy language, her language of love.  Koa has been helping me with my fluency in it.  In the process, I realized I was running away from him just as intently as he would physically pull away from me to express his pain around my disconnect.

An excerpt from my letter to Koa:
"Now I see where *I* was the runner. I was running from your love while accusing you of running from mine."


Credit: espressoenglish.com

To only acknowledge running in the physical sense of not wanting to be physically close or in physical contact is only acknowledging it in the 3D physical dimension. It can potentially equate not taking responsibility for your own running from what is really there.

Running can be energetic.  It does not require physically distancing to be happening.  Like everything, running happens energetically long before it occurs physically. This kind of running is no better or worse than physically running. Running is synonymous with refusing to see another's Truth. Running is the same as ignoring Universal Truth. Running is refusing to take or being unaware of how to take responsibility for what is ours. Running is nothing to be ashamed of, for we are ALL still learning. Running is HOW we learn.

Running is knowing that another speaks a different "language" from us and still insisting on speaking to them in our own language without trying to meet them halfway by working towards fluency in both languages. Running is ignoring when another is too overwhelmed to continue. Running from Truth is the same as refusing to stop pushing at the first sign of fear as expressed through resistance.

I See the blinding pain twins feel when their other halves run physically, shut down, build fortresses around themselves of words and actions intended to hurt, haunt and draw protective lines. I invite you to honor both your pain, feel both your grief. That emptiness; hold it in your tender heart.

I also invite you to ask yourself whether you were the first to run-- not first to physically run from your twin's physical body but from the Universal Truth that guides us all. I invite you to ask yourself if by physically pulling away from you, your twin was actually reflecting where you energetically ran from them first in the form of ignoring their Truth and therefore your own Truth. When we can ask ourselves these questions and answer them honestly, we can activate infinite Empathy for our "running" twins. Empathy will pull us from whatever yearning and fear we feel in our twins' temporary physical absence and return us to Love.

For the cosmic frequency of Twin Flame Activation to occur between two twin souls, we must first learn to examine the meaning of "running" on both the 3D and 5D planes.

Koa: My Twin Soul's Mirror, Her Messenger. How He Teaches Me Her Language.

I've felt the energy of my Twin Soul in Koa's energy for as long as I can remember.  Their similarities in vibration, behavior and even appearance jump out at me daily.  Koa has been my canine guide for the decade.  I am brought to my knees by the magnificence of his mission. 

Credit:  Norell Leung

Two twin souls finding each other is but a fraction of what the Universe intends for them.  Igniting the cosmic twin flame frequency between them requires much work, preparation and dedication from both individuals.  A properly ignited twin flame frequency is an act of world service beyond the imagination.  Every day I ask myself, "In what ways can I be present with what and who's guidance I have been offered prior to meeting her in order to prepare to embody the twin flame frequency?"  

For twins souls, discovering that the other's soul vibration is identical to theirs is a glorious experience.  However, to only presence this aspect is romanticizing the journey.  Doing one's work at the low vibrations is an equally important part of the whole and this is one of the many reasons the twin flame journey is so difficult. 

Your twin soul will be identical to you at the highest energetic vibration AND per the yin and yang equation, your polar opposite at the lowest vibration.  In them, you will see everything you are at the deepest level and the opposite of everything you are on the most surface level.

Through Koa I am learning to connect with my Twin at the lower vibrations from the deepest places of Empathy possible.  Koa asks of me in the same way that HN will.  He gives to me in the same way she will and I must be prepared to interpret what is being given and requested.  He is preparing me to understand how to be with HN day to day on the physical plane when the initial high has evaporated and it is time to do the work.  By being present with Koa, I am being present with a my Twin.

In years past when I was still in shame, denial and darkness around my connection and yearning for my twin, Koa and my relationship was punctuated by disconnect and tumult because I was not really listening to him... and so, to HER.  I was in ignorance, fear and ego.  Now I am listening to Koa.  I am listening to HN sharing who she is through him: 

-They both use humor and playfulness as their primary means of connection with others.

-They both present as outgoing, intense and jockish on the outside while being sensitive, tender and emotional on the inside.

-They are both easily overwhelmed by stimuli despite interacting as exuberant, overwhelming individuals themselves.

-They both have a resonance around discipline and structure that is different from my own.

-They have marked physical similarities: large, deep liquid eyes, a compact, beautifully proportioned build and delicate, feminine extremities.  

-They have both experienced being consistently mistaken for the opposite gender.

-They both have a particularly electric smile that can light up a room and another expression that is a cringe poorly disguised as a smile.

-They are both "Feel, Act, Think."

-They are both sacrificial and loyal to the ends of the Earth.

-Their athleticism has been a big part of their identity.

-They are both strong-willed and stubborn about little things while being flexible and incredibly accommodating around the big things. They both sense the difference instantly.

-They have both used extroversion as a crutch.  

They both struggle with being alone and fear of abandonment.

-They are both beta personalities.

-They both hold space with all their intention from afar.

-They can both be impulsive and reckless despite their sensitivity.

-They both utilize comfort objects while out in the world; For Koa, it is laying under tables and in small spaces.  For HN, it is wrapping herself in blankets.


For so long, I saw Koa's attempts to engage me in play and humor as being avoidant and frivolous.  Now I understand the spiritual element of play and laughter, that "profound, serious" ideas can be conveyed perfectly well through lightness and play, that to be meaningful, not all interactions must feel heavy.  Now I understand that even though Koa engages me with direct, charging yang energy, I should not mirror yang in response but instead receive him in my receptive yin energy.  I used to get impatient with Koa's anxiety around things that I didn't perceive as dangerous.  Now I understand he was asking me to honor his sensitivity without needing the story.  I used to find myself impatient with Koa's impulsive qualities even though I have them too.  The difference was only in our expression of them.  Now I understand that we were saying the same thing the whole time in different languages.  I used to become impatient and sharp with him whenever he reflected the same discomfort that I was feeling, making him hold both of our fear instead of taking responsibility for my own.  Now I understand how to let his energy fluctuate between polar extremes like a sharp, zigzagging line while being his rock, the glue that helps him come back into balance.  Now I understand that in projecting his energy in many opposing directions at all times, he is guiding me to reach away from my center to experience what is beyond myself.

I have grown extremely vigilant around drawing out the most minute details of Koa's presence, around observing certain things about Koa that I don't (yet?) feel in my Twin's energy, around really sitting with the energy behind them.  The elephant in the room: Koa runs away when he is afraid.  He is easily startled, often by things that I am not aware of at the time, and so he runs often.  I believe he may physically foreshadow HN's running.  He is guiding me in how to respond to it appropriately.  He's offering me the chance to foresee what causes him to run before it happens so I have a chance to soften its blow if it is coming from me.  He's teaching me to embrace the running at an intensity level I can handle to train me to respond to it with similar Love at an intensity level so high that I will be struggling to breath.  Perhaps because I can be aware of why Koa runs, I can be a better rock for my twin in the future so she doesn't feel she has to.  Koa is guiding me to embrace the fact that he runs and that HN may too and that if she does, it will be an integral part of our journey.

______________________________


Dear, Sweet Koa, 

Now I know who you truly are.  My guardian.  My teacher.  My twin soul's messenger.  My trainer in day to day living with her.  Today I follow your lead.  I am so sorry for all the years I rejected your love and guidance because I wasn't open to learning to understand the language of your energy and of her energy.  I thank you for your lifetime spent preparing me for what awaits.  I thank you for waiting so patiently for me to return to you, for me to See you.  I am sorry for always thinking of you as the "impatient one" when I was stuck in the "pet owner" paradigm.  

Now I see where *I* was the runner.  I was running from your love while accusing you of running from mine.

 For so many years I only Saw Qaisuke because her energy language is closer to mine.  I thank you for never giving up on me, for waiting for me, always.  

_______________________________

When I became aware of Koa's role in my life, I wondered if HN has an equivalent.  Who in her life is guiding her in how to connect with me?  To be honest, I have intuition as to who he is.  His birthday is one day after mine and I see our resemblance from afar.  




Friday, February 28, 2014

What to Do When You Yearn for Your Twin

My epiphany this morning:

"Every time you find yourself yearning for your Twin Soul or haunted by memories of them, God is showing you an area of your life where you have not yet cultivated Love for Self.  Your job is to rediscover that Love for Self to erase and replace that yearning.  Keep in mind that yearning is a different energy than loving.  When you are feeling your Twin's energy, make sure to differentiate between where you are sending them love from a deep seated place of Love already inside yourself or yearning for their Love to fill an empty place in your heart or to dilute the biting sting of your fear."

Wednesday, February 26, 2014

On Shame and Loving Others Before Self

There is one person out there in the world, HN, whose energy I have been able to read with jarring clarity since I was 15 years old. I would look at her more Earthly vibrations, the surface layers of her existence and see the yin-yang opposite of everything I understand, know and am....but then I would raise my third eye to look up at her soul and I would see myself... 

About a year ago, I hired a translator, EW to help me confirm if my mounting intuitions were on point. My connection to HN beyond the physical and ultimately my yearning for her has been my life's deepest, darkest secret, the vibrantly alive, writhing slice of shame that I kept locked in a cage inside myself. Until this year, I feared this part of me that I could not ignore or erase, living in a world where nothing I knew of resembled its power or draw. I feared my own Love because it wasn't a kind of Love that I had the tools to recognize, to compartmentalize, to label.

Each time I sent another project to my translator, I did it with my head down, my shoulders hunched. I prayed she wouldn't judge me or wonder why the hell I cared to have these particular articles translated. Each time I put up another project for translation, I thanked God that I didn't know EW in real life, that I was doing all this reasonably anonymously. I was sure that had she known what I was up to, she'd think I was OCD, a social pariah, creepy, unable to let go of the past or all of the above.

When I was in Korea, I had a catalytic experience with a man who I believe to be a near twin. He and I connected and disconnected with equal amounts of power, enough force to push me to pour every ounce of truth I had built up in me across a lifetime onto paper in English. It was a fraction of the truth as compared to what I know now, but it was the best I could offer him at the time. I asked EW to translate my rolling diatribe for him.

The whole experience felt like how we used to have to take photo film to be developed into actual photographs at a developer and your roll is full of sexy, naked porno shots of yourself that you're giving as a gift to your partner...and for an hour, a few days or however long the film takes to process, the only person who knows your Raw Truth is the photo developer, a total stranger who you have a professional relationship with at most.

EW has offered me amazing assistance around my trip to Korea and beyond. Our relationship went from being strictly professional to one of surprisingly deep support with comparably few words exchanged, without much more information from me beyond what has been in my translation requests. I am honestly touched and surprised that EW expressed interest in connecting with me on a personal level, especially when I engaged her services from such a place of shame and hiding.

Today she and I are meeting for the first time at a restaurant in Denver. I look forward to connecting with her not only around her experiences engaging ESL teachers in Korea but also... about how "this whole world is about energy and spirit," as she expressed it.

There have been very few places in my life where I have achieved true "success"....actually only one so far. And that is around my connection to Koa and Qaisuke. They are the only part of my life that I have the courage to approach with enough Love that it cancels out my Fear. And because of this, these days my journey with them is lifted on angels wings. We seem to be surrounded by people who either love dogs or who understand the connection or both and we effortlessly seem to only step foot in places that welcome them. I feel our Divine Protection with crystal clarity while in other parts of my life, the feeling is cloudy and wavering. I feel my remaining related karma rapidly dwindling and with that, a lightness I know in no other area of my life.


I understand Love for Another(s) in ways I do not yet understand Love for Self. With Koa and Qaisuke, I have come closer to fearlessness than I have anywhere else because my love for them gave me no other choice but to conquer it, so different from the parts of my life that are in comparable shambles-- my physical body, my career... In the past, I thought I was only able to be fearless if someone else's happiness and well being outside my own were on the line. My Love for them is greater than my Love for myself-- this is the old 3D paradigm, and while it has been painted as romantic, admirable and noble, it is ultimately damaging to Universal Love. It is the wound I am healing today.

[I put the word "success" in quotation marks up there because I am not using the word as it relates to the superficial and material, the low vibration meaning that it has been diminished to. I believe the true meaning of "success" refers to the state in which one is so connected to their integrity and their life path that a million angels lift them up and soar across time and space with them.]

I see EW's and my meeting today as one of many Divine Signs from the Universe that seem to have gushed forth since the day I first started to believe that going to Korea was possible for me, that indicate that I am on my True Path. That I am in my Integrity in honoring my journey as one half of a set of Twin Flames. That my unwavering, unconditional Love for HN is a million times greater and than every traumatic experience that I have encountered on Earth that has made me fear and resist the Divine Love that has always been inside me.